Following all the hub-bub about the Baz Luhrman song this was written by a few friends in LA, Daniel DeFabio and Chris Conroy. Video of the original song follows this version. Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99: eat mushrooms. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, mushrooms would be it. The long-term benefits of mushrooms have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own worthless experience. Never the less here it is. Enjoy you the certainty and confidence of knowing you are the most educated and intelligent people in the world. For the next four years you will add brain cells everyday. For everyday after that you will lose brain cells. Maybe you'll drink, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll do whip its maybe you won't. Either way the brain cells will die and you'll realize you no longer know everything. Ignore the compliments you receive. They are only preludes to asking for a favor. Never forget the insults you hear that way when it is your turn to insult someone you'll have plenty of good material. Whine. Whiners get more attention. Eat at a restaurant in San Francisco once, but leave before it makes you soft. Visit an adult theater in New York once but leave before it makes you hard. Have an orgy. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Share your love and your lovers with the world. Sign a prenuptial agreement. The pain it causes you now is nothing compared to the pain it will save you later. Masturbate, even if you have nowhere to do it but your friend's kitchen. Read the directions only if you have left over parts. Do not read kiddie porn you will only get arrested. Don't wait until your parents are dying to make up with them. They are less likely to leave you any of the good stuff. Refuse to work for idiot bosses or unreasonable clients. If you succeed in doing this tell me how. Accept certain inalienable truths: There will always be old people with poor memories who believe it was better in their day. It doesn't matter if they're right. Their day is over. But trust me on the mushrooms. ---- Now if you'd like to see/hear the original song - check it out below